The Power Of Orlok Compels You!
HIGH Think The Office, but with cults and the occasional demon.
LOW The combat mechanics feel floaty.
WTF A vampire priest purging demons – just another day in Poland.
I’ve always found the absurd to be wildly entertaining. Maybe that’s why Priest Simulator: Vampire Show pulled me in like an unholy sermon I couldn’t walk away from. It didn’t ask if I was ready, it just threw me headfirst into the madness.
This isn’t about quiet reflection or slow world-building. It’s about being a vampire-killing priest in modern-day Poland, armed with a cross, a shotgun, and an attitude problem. The world is bizarre, the humor dark and unhinged, and the gameplay a chaotic mix of first-person combat, exorcisms, and satire-heavy storytelling.
From the moment I loaded in, I knew Priest Simulator: Vampire Show was different. The aesthetic was grimy in the best way, like a cursed VHS tape found in a church basement. The mockumentary-style presentation, complete with character interviews and absurd cutscenes, only added to its unhinged charm. It’s a fever dream wrapped in a game engine.
It plays like a traditional FPS but with a religious twist. Instead of just mowing down enemies, I was purging them using holy relics and an arsenal of weapons that ranged from crucifixes to hammers. Telekinesis let me hurl objects at enemies, sending them flying across the room like an exorcism scene gone horribly wrong. That said, while the combat was indeed entertaining for a while, it did start feeling repetitive — apparently there are only so many ways to punch a demon in the face before it loses its charm.
I must also discuss the exorcism mechanics. Some moments were brilliantly chaotic, like wielding a massive censer to banish a demon before watching it erupt into a glorious burst of light. But at times, these sequences felt frustrating. Certain exorcisms required precise movement or interaction, and when clunky controls got in the way (like fumbling with weapon swaps mid-fight or getting stuck on debris) it turned what should have been intense moments into tests of patience.
When everything clicked, though, it was pure, ridiculous fun. One moment I was sprinting through a decrepit town, blasting vampires with holy energy, dodging fireballs, then leaping into a car to run down a demon mid-exorcism. It was the kind of over-the-top, “is this really happening?” gameplay that made me laugh out loud.
Despite the chaos, the story somehow managed to stay engaging. The writing is sharp, dripping with satire that pokes fun at organized religion, pop culture, and everything in between. One mission had me hunting down sacrilegious graffiti artists, while another involved illegally selling holy water on the side. The experience thrives on its irreverence, and it works because it never hesitates to go all-in on the absurdity.
It’s not all exorcisms and face-punching, though. PS:VS also let me renovate my own church, turning it into something more than just a place of worship. Upgrades range from practical restorations to, well, installing an aquarium or a DJ booth. It’s weird, but in a way that fits perfectly within this offbeat world.
Musically, Priest Simulator: Vampire Show leans into its eerie, industrial vibe. The soundtrack pulsed with a strange energy that made every moment feel just a little off-kilter. It wasn’t exactly pleasant, but that seemed to be the point. Haunting choirs mixed with distorted synths made it the background score to a church rave gone wrong, and anyone expecting angelic hymns was in the wrong place.
At its best, Priest Simulator: Vampire Show is an unapologetic, genre-mashing ride through the absurd. It didn’t hold my hand, and it definitely didn’t take itself seriously. On the other hand, the longer I played, the more the gameplay loop started to wear thin. The novelty of the premise carried me far, but the repetition and occasional mechanical hiccups chipped away at my enthusiasm. Even so, the sheer commitment to weirdness made it hard to walk away completely. For those who thrive on the bizarre, this one’s worth a trip to the confessional.
— Faiq Ilhan
Rating: 7.5 out of 10
Disclosures: This game is developed by Asmodev and published by Ultimate Games S.A. It is currently available on PC. This copy of the game was obtained via publisher and reviewed on PC. Approximately 6 hours was devoted to the game, and it was not completed. There is no multiplayer mode.
Parents: This game is unrated by the ESRB. In it, players will attack enemies with guns, blades, telepathic powers. The game also strongly parodies the topic of religion. There are swear words littered throughout normal dialogue.
Colorblind Modes: Colorblind Modes are not present.
Deaf & Hard of Hearing Gamers: This game offers subtitles, but subtitles cannot be altered and/or resized. Audio is needed to complete the game, but there are visual cues like highlighted items along with text hints on-screen.
Controls: Controls are remappable, with interchangeable hotkeys. It plays similarly to an FPS game where the left mouse click controls the left hand and the right mouse click controls the right hand.
